Awake

Night breeze is flying through my window.

The antique clock on my nightstand chime 2 in the morning. Sometimes time flies by, other times it flows like a half frozen river. Right now, the clicking of clock seem awfully slow. I lay awake, trying to fall asleep but having no luck. The strings of darkness escape my mind like water through hands. My eyelids are barely open, too tired to see anything but not being able to close completely. I dont want to close my eyes. I am waiting for the morning to come, or for myself finally succumbing into sleep. But I cant fall asleep. 

I cant even move my limbs. They are too heavy with exhaustation, too tense. I just lie there, on my bed, trying to do something I know i will fail in. Like the many times I did just that, the times that keep repeating in my head like a broken record. The bitter memmories I want to forget so much but they never seem to fade away. They keep comming back, haunting me at night, not letting me rest. The more I try to push them away the more they attack me. 

I am a human. I have flaws, I make mistakes, I do stupid things...I remember those times way too clearly. Like it was only yesterday that I dissapointed my teacher, heard that I am not good enough, that I am too tense, too serious, or not serious at all. All those times I made a bigger mistake, like upseting my nearest, having inner probems or even getting bad grade. It all counts as failures. 

Not to me.

To my mind. 

My mind makes me suffer for something that is normal. For something i shouldnt worry about over and over. For something human. 

I lie in my bed, watching as time slowly passes by, waiting for the loud, obnoxious music of my alarm. 

I wait...and wait...and wait...

At last, the ringing starts. I tiredly sit up and turn it off. I look into a wall lenght mirror on my right. Dark bags under my half-lidded eyes, skin paler than usual, but this is how some days go. 

It doesnt happen all the time, nights like these. Sometimes the voices keep quiet, sometimes it is just easier to handle. But those memmories wont fade away. Just like the dark circles under my eyes. Just like the cycle of day and night.